Healing the Hidden Roots of Shame

New Training! Now Open For A Limited Time

Join Dr. Diane Poole Heller for a live, online workshop where we learn how to recognize and separate shame from other emotions—so you counter the inner critic that works against you and find relief through self-compassion and daily healing habits.

10 a.m. - 12:30pm MT

Registration closes August 6, 2021 at 11:59pm PT

“I Don’t Want to Talk About It…”

Shame is a tricky emotion. Like a chameleon, it hides in plain sight—silencing your self-worth and connection to others.

If you were to look at my client Alice, you’d probably never suspect she suffers from debilitating shame.

From the outside, she seems perfectly fine—attractive, outgoing, professional—her social media posts often show her smiling and cheerful, posing with her husband and teens. She’s always the first one to lend a hand or listen to a friend or neighbor in need.

Alice quickly rattles off her many work tasks and projects … her co-workers even jokingly refer to her as ‘our work mom’ because she’s the one who sets the rules and manages all the details.

Yet, after several therapy sessions together, Alice finally revealed feelings she had been covering up for a long time…

“No one gets how stressed, sad and anxious I am most of the time. I love my family so much, but even when we’re together, I feel so all alone. I could never tell my husband that…he’d think I’m ungrateful for the life I have.

And I get so angry sometimes because no one stops to ask me how I’m doing…so, I often lash out and end up picking fights with my husband, kids or even my mom. And it gets so bad that I wake up at 3 am with this tightness in my chest, just trying to figure out why I’ve made so many mistakes in my life.

There’s always this nagging voice inside my head that says I have to be perfect because I don’t want people to figure out what a loser I really am. It’s the same voice that tells me I should just suck it all up and stop whining. So I just put my ‘happy face’ on every day and pretend like everything is fine.

But it’s not fine—I can’t shake this feeling that there’s something wrong with me…and I don’t know how to fix what’s so broken.”

How many of us are like Alice, where we seem fine from the outside, but suffer inside?

The truth is—although we may not always recognize the many ways shame seeps into our daily experience—shame is an emotion that affects us all and profoundly shapes the way we interact with the world and each other.

But, depending on how we deal with it, shame can either shut us down…or lead us to a new sense of well-being, courage and authenticity.

Healthy shame originally evolved as a tool for survival. When losing social status meant losing access to food and safety, it helped people understand acceptable behavior and stay in good standing in their communities.

During our childhoods, we, too, are dependent on others for food and safety. As we’re learning the rules of society, healthy shame helps us understand if we’ve done something wrong (or if we’ve wronged someone).

In small amounts, this healthy shame protects and teaches us.

But when other people treat you poorly—being told you’re not enough, that you’re a mistake, painful incidents with cruel words, or even exclusion, abuse and trauma—then you may start to turn those treatments into negative beliefs about yourself.

When you feel toxic shame, you see yourself as useless or unworthy of love (“I AM the mistake.”)

Unfortunately, most of us weren’t taught how to process this type of harmful, or toxic shame.

And so, if you’re like most people, when feelings of shame arise, you do what you can to stifle them. Pushing away the discomfort makes us feel safe. But hiding shame can make us feel alone and unworthy… and ultimately cause more shame.

When we get trapped in this cycle, we can’t heal. And unhealed shame can lead to behavior that damages our relationships, career, self worth…even our physical health. Sometimes the pain is so intense our behavior turns self-destructive or violent.

The further we go down this spiral, the harder it is to believe we can change—or that we deserve to.

But there is hope…

We are wired for connection and capable of healing.

When we learn to recognize and resolve shame, we take away its power. Then, we can cultivate self-compassion, find relief and begin to be free.

Introducing Healing the Hidden Roots of Shame, a new online workshop led by Dr. Diane Poole Heller

Stop Hurting. Start Healing.

In this 2.5-hour immersive, online workshop, you’ll learn how to:

Recognize how the symptoms of shame can affect your body, mind, emotions and behavior patterns.
Distinguish between unhealthy (toxic) and healthy shame (that’s designed to protect us).
Understand where shame comes from—and the role early trauma or early attachment injury can play in our adult relationships or behavior patterns.

Practice simple—yet powerful—healing strategies that help you release shameful feelings, judgments and expectations.
Counter your inner critic so you can pull yourself out of the self-blame cycle to cultivate self-compassion as a daily habit.
Grow more resilient, change negative narratives and begin to feel a deeper sense of self-esteem.

You are worthy of love, acceptance and connection

It’s time to let go of the shame that keeps your authentic self hidden

Facing shame and its effects on your life might sound uncomfortable, or even scary. And truthfully, it can be.

But there’s a powerful, healing balance that comes into play.

You see, you can’t avoid your emotions selectively. When you block the bad feelings, you block the good ones, too. By numbing shame, you numb joy.

When you choose to feel your way through shame, you also choose to let in everything good: Love. Hope. Awe. Excitement. And that’s how you begin to heal.

With your heart open, you can rewrite the narrative playing in your head. You can learn to see your worth.

You don’t have to keep hiding. You don’t have to prove yourself. Without condition, you deserve a fulfilling life and meaningful connection. You deserve acceptance and belonging—and to be loved for all of you, exactly as you are.

It’s possible. It’s worth fighting for. And it begins with you.

You deserve kindness, forgiveness, compassion and care

Hi, I’m Diane Poole Heller.

For over 30 years, I’ve been helping people just like you free themselves from the hurt that keeps them from opening their hearts, healing their wounds, and developing deep and lasting connection.

I know what it’s like to feel not-good-enough and afraid of being found out, and I know how to help.

I’ve written books, designed courses and trained thousands of therapists in the most effective methods for healing from trauma, repairing attachment, and creating more fulfilling relationships.

Whether you don’t have access to therapy, you’d like to begin exploring your relationship to shame in a different environment, or you are just gathering the courage to begin looking within, this Healing the Hidden Roots of Shame workshop is designed for you.

I believe you deserve love, belonging and acceptance. I’ll help you believe it, too.

I invite you to join us if you…

Often feel like others don’t truly know you. You don’t know if they would accept “the real you,” so you hold back, but you long to be seen and create deeper, more authentic relationships.
Find it difficult to recognize and give yourself credit for your achievements or are reluctant to take risks, and you need tools for building resilience and self-esteem.
Frequently get caught up in people pleasing, perfectionism or self-criticism and would like to set healthy boundaries, increase your confidence and be gentler with yourself.

Struggle with trusting others and tend to believe that most people will disappoint and judge you, but want to override these beliefs and find community with those around you.
Want to learn valuable exercises and simple daily habits that support happiness, belonging, healthy relationships and personal fulfillment.
Are ready to develop genuine self-acceptance and allow a deep self-love to emerge.

+YOUR FREE BONUS
Symptoms of Toxic Shame Checklist

A valuable tool to assess and check progress.

This useful checklist helps you identify the most common signs of shame and better understand how much they affect your life.

It’s yours FREE when you register for this workshop.

Here’s what you get when you join us for Healing the Hidden Roots of Shame…

LIVE, 2.5-Hour Online Workshop Led by Dr. Diane Poole Heller + Q&A

In our time together, you’ll learn more about why we experience shame and how it becomes destructive. I’ll teach you techniques to stop shame spirals and shift harmful thoughts, and we’ll explore ways you can begin to develop self-esteem and self-compassion.

At the end of the session, we’ll have a live Q&A where I will answer your questions.

In-Class + Take-Home Healing Exercises

During the workshop, I’ll guide you through exercises that will help you recognize shame and free yourself from its grip.

You’ll feel what it’s like—physically and emotionally—to release shame, judgments and self-blame and instead offer yourself gentleness.

You’ll also get self-directed exercises you can use later to reinforce these skills and practice new, empowered thinking.

Follow-Along PDF Workbook

The interactive, printable PDF workbook is filled with helpful information, space for notes and personal insights, and prompts for deeper reflection.

You’ll find each exercise from the workshop outlined, plus easy-to-follow instructions for the self-directed exercises that further support your healing.

Lifetime Access to Video Replay + Course Materials

Enjoy lifetime access to a recording of the workshop and revisit the instruction and guided exercises as often as you like.

+BONUS FREE GIFT…Symptoms of Toxic Shame Checklist

Praise for Dr. Heller

“I love the way Diane talks and explains concepts. She has so much passion!”

-SIMONI

“The incredible amount of knowledge passed on by the oh-so-compassionate, wise—yet down to earth, experienced and innovative Diane… Thank you so very much for all of this!”

-JUDY

“I have never met Diane but I adore her. And her presence, even just by video, is very soothing for me.”

-SUZANNE

Praise for Dr. Heller

“I love the way Diane talks and explains concepts. She has so much passion!”

-SIMONI

“The incredible amount of knowledge passed on by the oh-so-compassionate, wise—yet down to earth, experienced and innovative Diane… Thank you so very much for all of this!”

-JUDY

“I have never met Diane but I adore her. And her presence, even just by video, is very soothing for me.”

-SUZANNE

In this workshop, you’ll begin to…

Recognize the hidden effects of shame on your body, mind and relationships

Understand the role of your childhood experiences in shame… and how that knowledge can help you heal

Stop unconsciously holding yourself back from the relationships, career, health and achievements of your dreams

Overcome the feeling of being less-than, and begin to build self-worth

Get out of the blame and shame cycle and show yourself kindness and compassion

Gather valuable resources and build a support system for healing

Ready to free yourself from shame and feel more at peace?

Join us on Saturday, August 7th
10am – 12:30pm MT

For Just

$49

Plus, you’ll get the Symptoms of Toxic Shame Checklist as my FREE gift to you!